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Tito’s tweets now to come with state-approved subtitles – Presidency
SATIRE | By Kalim Rajab Magoebaskloof – Following a Cabinet directive, Finance Minister Tito Mboweni’s tweets will now be disseminated from his official account with government-approved subtitles running along the bottom. This, according to the Presidency, is to allow for greater transparency and be in the interests of alliance unity. According to the Cabinet spokesperson, …
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Apathy amongst populace to news that DA disbanded two weeks ago due to having nothing new to add
Insiders say that the final straw occurred when even party officials were unable to pick out interim leader John Steenhuisen’s photo out from a lineup
Cost of Cuban doctors offset by advertising space sold on Minister Zulu’s clothing at briefings
However since Minister Zulu has never actually been seeing wearing the face mask, but rather employs it as a design accessory, it remains unclear whether the space will be sold.
Cele calls for testing to be extended to cover illicit kissing
Gauteng – Police Minister Bheki Cele has implored President Ramaphosa to fast track the development of Coronavirus detection kits to be able to detect whether people have recently been kissed. “I’ve always said that lockdown means lockdown. Social distancing must extend to the bedroom too, for maximum effectiveness. No kissing, nothing. Even for Level 3.” …
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Home Affairs to institute streamlined divorce proceedings to cope with influx post-lockdown
Pretoria – The Department of Home Affairs has gazetted new divorce regulations to streamline the process of legal separation, in anticipation of a flood of requests following the lockdown being partially lifted later this week. The new regulations will allow for divorce to be completed within the day of filing with the High Court, without …
Zille’s Twitter account deemed non-essential and locked down ‘in the interests of public safety’
Cape Town – Deeming it a non-essential service even after the lockdown is partially lifted this week, Twitter has closed down the account of Former Western Cape Premier Helen Zille. “She may feel the need to tweet about the country,” a statement from the company read, “but by continuing to tweet – even from home …
Alert Level Four, in one handy graph
There’s been much confusion around the CANS and CAN’Ts of lockdown level four. The rules keep changing and if you’re struggling to keep up. We don’t blame you. We have updated our previous graphic with the recent developments announced this past week. Don’t worry, we doubt you’ve done anything illegal. But we thought we should …
From jogging to Huntavirus: Your Coronavirus lockdown questions answered
21 days of lockdown… and soooo many questions. How does this all work? We found answers to your most pressing queries. By Aarti Bhana and Verashni Pillay Subscribe here to our WhatsApp channel for simple and quick updates on the Coronavirus and other news you need to know.
State of Disaster vs lockdown: Coronavirus terms defined
Is South Africa in a state of lockdown? Or shutdown? Disaster? All three? And what the heck is the difference between self-quarantining and self-isolating?