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Developing countries demand America stop systemic oppression of minorities or face military action

SATIRE | By Kalim Rajab

(New Delhi): A coalition of developing countries have presented an ultimatum to Washington to immediately arrest its slide into minority oppression and anarchy – or risk military action “by an alliance of the willing and the brave”.

“We are worried by the deterioration in democracy in the United States”, a joint statement by the foreign ministries of India, Iran, China and Kenya said Tuesday. “We cannot stand by and watch strongmen subvert the will of the people. If they don’t provide justice, we’ll have to instruct them on how to conduct themselves.”

It’s understood the coalition had originally been preparing to make their stand later in the year, in November, when they were to demand free and fair elections take place in the country. A leaked planning document, Bringing USA Back Into The Fold, shows coalition members’ commitment to deploying Iranian election observers to oversee the election process in the southern states of Florida, South Carolina and Alabama, where expectations of voter fraud and intimidation are expected to be at their peak in the forthcoming elections.

However, events of the last week have blindsided even the most hawkish members of the coalition and had caused the coalition to accelerate their demands.

Developing countries have been flexing their international muscles of late. Another leaked document, The Empire Strikes Back, had earlier uncovered India’s plan to independently partition the United Kingdom into 4 separate countries because of the inevitability of deep sectarian divisions following Brexit. – THE LOCKDOWN REPORT