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Ramaphosa mulls putting Patel in permanent lockdown under Level 3 regulation

SATIRE | By Kalim Rajab

(PRETORIA) With a decision on a nationwide move to Level 3 imminent, President Cyril Ramaphosa is said to be seriously considering having his Minister of Trade and Industry Ebrahim Patel locked down, under new regulations to be gazetted.

Citing evidence from new research which showed a clear correlation between future infection rates and the Minister not opening his mouth, an insider in the Presidency was quoted as saying in defence of the proposed regulation, “After all the sacrifices the nation has made, we don’t want to make the mistake of letting our guard down, having him hold another press conference and creating even worse problems than we have now by having people throw out any clothing which is not red.”

It is understood the final straw in Ramaphosa’s thinking came during a recent Cabinet Zoom meeting when, during a recess, Patel stood up and was noticed by the President to be wearing open-toed sandals over his customary Commissar-red socks. – THE LOCKDOWN REPORT