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Cost of Cuban doctors offset by advertising space sold on Minister Zulu’s clothing at briefings

SATIRE | By Kalim Rajab

Pretoria – The South African government has struck a deal with its Cuban counterpart whereby the cost to the state of the 217 Cuban doctors brought in to help deal with the coronavirus outbreak – estimated at some R430m – will be partially offset by Cuba paying for advertising space on Minister Lindiwe Zulu’s clothing during ministerial briefings to the public. 

“This form of advertising has great strategic value to our country,” Havana’s ambassador to Pretoria, Rodolfo Benítez Verson said yesterday. He added that not since Former US President George W Bush accidentally wore a cap with the Cuban flag on it (after confusing it with the Texas Rangers logo) had the great state of Cuba received so much free ad space anywhere.

He went on to explain that “the original idea was that, in addition to the beret featuring our decorated Cuban flag, for Minister Zulu to wear the olive green military gear so beloved of our former leader Fidel, and for her to smoke one of our world-famous Cuban cigars during each briefing.” However, it’s understood that this idea had to be scrapped after Police Minister Bheki Cele confiscated the cigars for his personal use when he realised he could no longer get cigarettes from his local spaza shop due to his own regulations.   

Minister Zulu’s person has become hot property in recent days. Impressed by her authoritarian tendencies on display in the drafting of lockdown regulations, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is said to be mulling buying ad space on her face mask. However since Minister Zulu has never actually been seeing wearing the face mask, but rather employs it as a design accessory, it remains unclear whether the space will be sold. – THE LOCKDOWN REPORT